I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
