Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
