I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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