gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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