my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
