We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
