Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
