Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
