I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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