i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
