Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
