everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
