I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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