did you get engaged???
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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