were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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