Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
