So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
even my farts smell like vagina
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
