It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
