Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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