just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
