I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
