Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
