Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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