someone get that fucking seahorse.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
