I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
