Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
