look no pants
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
