Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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