Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
