the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
