I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
