Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
