she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
