idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
