True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
