gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
