I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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