Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
