At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
