He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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