Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
