Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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