I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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