It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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