Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
