So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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