You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
