Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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