Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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