the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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