I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
