Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
