we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
