Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
