there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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