He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
