I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
